All Skirt and No Brawn

Hey everyone, sorry it's been an abominably long time since I posted. This semester is proving to be a challenge. Classes, the bridal salon, the boyfriend, and all of life's other commitments have kept me from posting. But, here we are, reunited at last.
So, the subject for today---petticoats.
Now, I know what you're all thinking, what can there possibly be said about petticoats other than that they large, cumbersome, and itchy?
You would indeed be surprised.
The proper petticoat can make or break a dress, the absence of a petticoat can make or break a dress, petticoats cannot be ignored!!!! And I have to tell you, most women do not fully appreciate this. The one notable exception are the Quincinera parties.
*A Quincinera is a Spanish/Latin tradition that is the equivalent of a sweet sixteen, but instead celebrates a girl's fifteenth birthday.
And this is like a REALLY BIG DEAL. The Quincinera celebration signifies that the girl, now a young woman, is being released into society and is eligible for courtship and marriage. Traditionally she has 14 "bridesmaids" who are accompanied by 14 male attendants all dressed in the chosen colors for the day. The Quincinera herself, in my experience, wears a white dress or a vibrantly colored dress depending on the family's taste and it has to be HUGE.
I have had the full spectrum of Quincinera girls whether the budget be small or unlimited, the dress be white or pink I have seen it all. My most recent experience was on a night that I was scheduled to close. Five minutes before the doors closed on my eight hour work shift an enormous group of people all chattering in fluent Spanish came bustling into the store and began rifling through my freshly straightened racks. After much confused conversation that was mostly comprised of me making hand motions and them talking louder and louder in Spanish I was able to figure out the girl wanted a purple dress. The party was scheduled to take place three weeks later which meant she needed to buy off the rack.
So I started pulling as many size 2 purple gowns as I could find but even though the girl loved almost all of them her mother just gave a stony shake of her head and kept saying "puffier!". With one of the straight skirt dresses they asked me to put a petticoat underneath it and the result was something like a purple sausage combined with a pillow.
It was now twenty minutes past close and all I could think about was going home and having a much deserved dinner, but they would not leave!
So the mom gets up and goes wandering around in the clearance aisle while the girl's friends are all running around the store trying on dresses left and right and then tossing them on the floor of the dressing rooms. Dresses I had to clean up.
As I was putting some of the discarded items away I noticed my Quincera girl walk out in a red dress with the requisite voluminous skirt. RED! And the dress had been on sale so long that the $300 price tag was down to $40. It was met with approval all around, they refused to buy accessories and promised to come back for the biggest petticoat we had to offer at a later date.
As they were leaving the mom asked what time we closed and I told her "forty-five minutes ago". Her response was to laugh and clap her dress laden daughter on the back.
Oh retail.

So some things that are trending in weddings right now are decorative pumpkins for fall weddings that aren't even remotely Halloween-y (painted pumpkins, pumpkins covered in lace, pumpkins wrapped in ribbons, pumpkin cups and center pieces) and unique wedding photos based in pop culture. I saw a gorgeous set of Harry Potter inspired photos perfect for any and all HP nerds (like myself). But the most interesting photos I've seen are zombie pictures. Don't believe me? Check these out.

Little Princesses

Today was quite possibly the first time I ever truly felt the need to ask a mother why she has not yet killed her children. A much abused young woman of about thirty-five or so came in trailing four, yes four, little girls under the age of ten. She was preparing for her second wedding and needed dresses for all the girls, preferably no more expensive than a hundred dollars. They were allowed to choose any color, length or style that they wished. This doesn't sound like it should be a problem, yes?
What the following two hours taught me is that too much choice is indeed a bad thing and that children should not be allowed to watch television.

"This shade of green is just not my color mommy."

"Yeah, I like that dress but I need to see all the options available to me before I make a decision."

"My ankles are showing! I hate my ankles! I hate this dress!"

"Mommy, it's only $30 more than you wanted to spend, that's nothing!"

"Why can't I have a strapless dress? Mommy is wearing a strapless dress!"

This last gem was from by far the most difficult girl in the group. She INSISTED on looking at the party dresses meant for people older than 9 and taller than four feet. She wanted to make sure that a 2 wouldn't fit her because she didn't want a "little kid" dress. Well surprise, she picked out a black strapless cocktail dress with a tulle skirt studded with black sequins. Not very appropriate for the farm side wedding that had been described to me. Or for a 9 year old.
The dress was huge on her but she said her grandma could fix it and then pitched a fit in the middle of the store when her mother (rightfully) told her absolutely not. I do not have high hopes for this child's future fashion choices.
And of course, the oldest, most mature girl found a dress quickly, as did the youngest girl who was just pleased to be getting a dress at all. The middle two tried on at least 12 dresses each and just did. not. understand. that after this flurry of dress-trying-on that I had no more options available in their sizes (the mother wanted to buy off the rack, no ordering).

"WHY CAN'T WE JUST LOOK MOMMYYYYYYYY!!!! I JUST WANT TO LOOK ONE MORE TIME AT THE OTHER DRESSES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I was so impressed that not once did this woman either yell back at the children or beat them indiscriminately that I could not even begrudge her being a weak parent. I'm just going to go ahead and blame the father/grandparents/other family members who spoil kids.

In other news, I am enjoying color coordinating and sharing ideas for DIY projects with my clients. I'm thinking that perhaps wedding planning may be a possible career path to look into, as it would satisfy both my need to be creative and my need to be surrounded by pretty things.
Life in the salon continues to be stressful, but rewarding in the vast variety of experience I'm getting. If nothing else I have at least learned how to hold lengthy conversations with people I know nothing about. Surely, I will find a use for this.

Everything starts to blend together after awhile; angry moms, angrier bridesmaids, small children screaming unreasonably. And the brides who are a whole set of challenges in and of themselves, although I do have to wonder if this insanity begins young.

For a treat I have a gorgeous dress to share with all of you. Click here http://pinterest.com/pin/1138341/ to see Christian Dior's take on "something blue".

If only her personality was as pretty as her dress.

My loyal readers, I apologize for the extended leave of absence from the blogging world. The last month or so has been in turns wonderful and horrible, but it all ways verryyyyyy busssyyyyyy.
To catch you up, I have sold two wedding dresses! To actual brides! I consider it the highest achievement. However when I sold the last one, half an hour after the store was supposed to be closed, all my boss could think of to say to me was "Why didn't you sell her a headpiece?!?!?!?!?"
*Note, she is quite possibly the most bipolar and absent minded person I have ever met. I swear to god she has never heard a single word I have said to her. Instead, I speak and she stares at me blankly. "What honey? (Condescendingly) Why are you standing in front of me? Why aren't you chained to a customer? Why aren't you a veritable Houdini of sales making me vastly rich??"

I've now been working in the salon for over three months and I have yet to figure out if anyone there actually likes me. There are a few girls my age with whom I am friendly and so far it has been enough to keep me from drowning under the scrutinizing (and often confused) gazes of my managers and older colleagues. Related to this, I happen to be a hopeless klutz. The store has become a maze of obstacles and hazards, trips, snares and inconveniently placed sharp objects for me to injure myself on. Just yesterday I walked directly into an open locker and the resulting "MOTHER--URRGHHH" was heard throughout the break room. This quirk of mine has proved most amusing for the whole store (as it has over the years for everyone who knows me). Unfortunately, even my clients have become to notice. "Is that cute little blonde girl okay? I saw her fall over a dress rack and narrowly miss impaling a small child."

I have a few little tidbits of wisdom that might be of interest to those of you who might be wandering into a bridal store sometime soon.
1. Buying off the rack means that yes, other people have tried the articles of clothing on and no, that doesn't mean you will get a discount. Damages discounts are nigh impossible to get. Accept it and don't take it out on your consultant who has no say in the matter.
2. If you want a brand new item ORDER IT WAYYYYY AHEAD OF TIME. This is your responsibility. If you're going to be picky, prissy, pissy, or perversely stubborn about the quality and delivery of your purchase, don't wait till your only option is a make up stained bra two hours away that you'll have to pay $15 for shipping for.
Waiting to buy your undergarments and accessories, instead of getting them on the same day as the dress, does not save you money. It merely delays the money you will inevitably put out and in cases like the make up stained bra, your procrastination will cost you even more and girls like me will have to listen to your mother-in-law utter horrible curses and swears in reference to the poor quality of our service.
3. Just because your consultant has a different body shape than you, does not mean they are incapable of sympathizing with your dress/body issues, nor does it mean we are lying when we say that a dress looks beautiful on you. If this job has taught me anything, it is that curves make dresses look good and I could probably use some more of them.

Alright, our internet treat of the day. I love this and am planning on doing it myself. Click here for an adorable DIY to give to your fiance or even just someone that you love a lot. It's a cool way to recycle a deck of beaten up cards that you don't play with anymore, and it will hold memories for years to come. Maybe you could buy a deck on vacation, something kitschy and local. You write something you love about the person on every card and make it into a book. It's creative, personal, and honors the depth of the relationship. Enjoy!

Mundanities and Stalking

You know that funny feeling of dread when some seller of goods asks you for your phone number and email, and you reluctantly give it? Well, it is an entirely reasonable feeling. BRIDES BEWARE! Your friendly purveyor of bridal gowns, accessories and other wedding essentials will quite avidly stalk you. This week has been a small kind of torture, one that I have been avoiding for some time. My managers finally noticed that I have not been very good about making my "thank you" calls. It is required, REQUIRED, that every customer who coughs up a phone number be called (preferably within two days) to be thanked for coming in, told how much fun they were to work with, and then solicitously and caring-ly inquire if they will be needing anything else from us. Have you any idea how many people come through the store in a week? God himself could not remember every client I help in a week, let alone a month, and thank them in such a way that lets them know that I know exactly who they are. Usually, I get an answering machine and once the number I had was out of service (a small blessing). But when I get a real live person to talk to, it goes something like this:

Me: Hello, this is Jenna calling from (store name). How are you (random person who does not want to talk to me)
RandomPerson: Good....(grouchy voice, slightly wary)
Me: I'm so glad to hear that! I was just calling to thank you for coming and ask how your plans are coming for the big event? I see your bridesmaid dress is in and I wanted you to know if you need any more accessories or fireworks or monster trucks to please, pretty please so I don't get fired, come by.
RP: I'm good thanks, bye.

Truly inspiring stuff, don't you think? I often wonder how Randy from Say Yes To The Dress would handle all this. My best advice to future buyers of wedding goods, when you get the call, figure out if you actually need anything else and then ask to be taken off the call list. Or you will be called again, and again, about once a month, until after your wedding occurs. It is within our legal rights to do so, restraining orders will be ignored.
Other joys from the not-so-glamorous side of wedding retail:
1. Inventory, all items have their very own special hiding place. Hide and seek without the fun but you have to be just as stealthy so that it looks like you actually know what you're doing. "This, you mean this colorful bow thing...yeah, I know where it goes. In the front...by the dresses?"
2. Bagging and sorting bras and corsets. And no, this is not sexy lingerie (don't get your hopes up) or even remotely attractive for that matter. They all appear to be bland, and somehow intimidating, torture devices.
3. Steaming steaming steaming steaming steaming IT NEVER ENDS. I'm waiting for permanent scar damage to develop on my hands considering that I can't finish a single dress without burning several fingers at once.
And everyone wants their dress steamed, right after they buy it, right in front of them, so they can be sure I get out every last wrinkle and imperfection. Truthfully, it's a tad degrading, rather like voluntary slavery. The steamers have short, stiff hoses and require a certain degree of energy and contortion to wield properly. It is complete abandonment of dignity.
But, I digress. Enough whining. I have for you a most amusing link that gives the directions for a bridal shower game called Staches and Tiaras (like mustaches, it took me a minute to get that). Basically the host has a list of answers from the bride and groom from a set of predetermined questions, and the guests must guess who answered what for each question by raising a tiara or a mustache. Very fun and allows for endless creativity. Perhaps the guests could decorate their own tiaras and mustaches, and then there can be a prize for the best one? Lots of possibilities. And slight danger. Knowing my friends, I would not be surprised to see a Hitler or Stalin Stache. A request for propriety can certainly be made. No need to scare off the in-laws.
My final thought that I was musing over today is that I love the idea of blue shoes being your "something blue". The garter is classic, but slightly cliche (in my oh so humble opinion). Think how dazzling blue sparkles peeking out from under your dress while you walk down the aisle would be! I like the one I have at the top of the post :)

Pardon my French

I think the ladies back in alterations only like me when I bring back customers who speak Spanish. I can only imagine what they think when I invade their curtained off lair dragging enormous dresses behind me and asking the ridiculous questions my clients must have the answers to. "Who is this girl, does she have a speech impediment? Why is she always here??" I can practically smell their annoyance. Now that I'm out in real world (as opposed to college where everyone but me seems to be trilingual) I realize that perhaps my four years of high school French and brief flirtation with Italian during my freshman year in college, may have been a mistake. Not once have I had a client who spoke any language that was not English, Spanish, or Portuguese. Today I had a group of women come in that my manager asked me to assist. When I approached them and did my whole polite and friendly consultant bit and asked what they were looking for, the woman who was clearly the mother of the bride looked at me and said "no". One word, flat out rejection. And then she turned around and started speaking Spanish at lighting speed to whom I could only assume to be the bride.
I walked away and my manager pulled me aside and reminded me that I needed to go and greet them (she missed the initial debacle). When I told her what happened she said I needed to tell them we would check on them periodically to make sure our help was not needed. Ten minutes later the mother of the bride approached me and said in perfect, unaccented English "Is there someone here who speaks Spanish? My daughter wants to try on dresses."
I was vaguely flabbergasted but inquired if she had registered with us (a necessity if one wishes to try on bridal gowns) to which she responded with a blank look and said "No. She wants to try on dresses."
Which sent me running to alterations, the only sure place to find someone with the particular talent of being bilingual. Many minutes later, perhaps twenty, the woman who spoke perfect English to me was mysteriously now working with one of my associates who does not speak a lick of Spanish. Perhaps alterations worked their magic for me once again, or perhaps I'm losing my mind and I merely invented the conversation that we had. It later came out that the wedding for this girl is in three weeks, and she does not yet have a gown. Go figure.
The problem with brides and their bridal parties is that they do not keep an eye on the time! The bridal industry is riddled with red tape and time limits, alterations appointments and more incidentals than a hospital. My advice to all of you? Do everything so far in advance that you feel like your mother before a holiday making the pasta salad a week in advance of dinner. The sooner you have all your dresses in, the less stress you'll have about deadlines and the more time you'll have to sort out any problems that may arise. For example, the wrong size was ordered by mistake. The dress has a problem like a rip or a stain. The color is wrong. The sash has to be changed to match the flower girl's dress. The alterations department is backed up and needs more time. Anything can go wrong. Better safe than sorry, right?

Another thing that needs to be done way in advance, save the dates and wedding invitations! I have a fantastic contact who creates handmade invitations according to your exact preferences, color scheme and ideas. The pictures at the top are examples of their work and on their website Steflynn.com there are more pictures and a full description of their business and how to get in contact with them. Definitely check out the site, these are very talented women with versatile talents!

Mommy Dearest

This week's topic: those wonderful women, the mothers of the human race...Who also happen to be the metaphorical thorn in my side. In the last four days I have experienced every possible mother stereotype. They've been cheap, controlling, and picky, but worst of all, they have been commitment-phobic. Now don't get me wrong, I have been able to sympathize with most of these women most of the time. I understand not wanting to spend $200 on a prom dress, I certainly didn't when I was in high school. I even understand wanting to wear a dark color as mother of the bride/groom without having to wear black ("I don't want to look like I think my son's wedding is a G.D. funeral sweetheart"-direct quote from a customer). However when a woman in her late fifties comes in and decides to be unreasonable, my sympathy sort of evaporates. One woman offered her many opinions before trying a single dress and then leaving in disgust.
"I have to have sleeves, I refuse to wear spaghetti straps. But I hate jackets, I refuse to wear a jacket. It has to be tea length, can you cut down a full length dress? Why are there so many ruffles on these dresses? This is the mother's section? (Points to a few knee length gowns) What hoochies could possibly buy those? Who wears things like that? These are all too low cut, what are the designers thinking?" And on and on and on and on and on it went. She basically ruled out every gown we had available to her in one breath and would not listen to anything I said. I suggested modesty pieces, chiffon shrugs and offered to get her a consult with alterations to talk about adding sleeves and she said no to all of it.
On the flip side, we have prom moms, who are a very special breed of prickly when they want to be. There was one particularly memorable mother/daughter pair and working with them was similar in feeling to that horrible, bordering on painful, itch you get from tags in dress pants. The girl was lovely, she was looking for a junior prom dress and really had no idea what she wanted. Her mom was pulling everything in sight, and I'll be honest, some of it was completely inappropriate. She kept picking up bridesmaid dresses that made this poor girl look like (to be perfectly Victorian) a spinster. I had her in a red mermaid dress that looked absolutely exquisite and all her mom would say was "Honey, you are not sexy. I'm sorry, but sexy isn't your thing. You are a Plain Jane sweety, you need to accept that." I wanted to smack her. She ended up leaving, dragging her unfortunate daughter behind her, because she couldn't stomach the $99 price tag.
Now, I don't want to be unfair. Not all mothers are like this, some of them are perfectly wonderful and sweet and are happy to have a consultant helping them. These are the women that make my job worth it.
However, one thing remains true of, oh, 98% of women.
Women hate their bodies. Every single one of them comes in and the first thing they tell me is what part of their body they want to hide. "I have a pouch" or "I have saddle bags thighs". And my favorite "Honey, have you seen these hams? I can't wear a short dress, they'll mistake me for a pig and toss me in the oven with some maple sugar glaze." What humor, such wit. Part of what I try to do with my clients is pair them with a dress that makes them believe me when I say that they look beautiful. It's not always easy, usually it requires suggesting that alterations can put cups in the top of the dress.
This week's wedding treat: I have two really great ideas that big blue sea of the internet has provided. The first is a fun twist on red velvet cupcakes...They are served in a jar and eaten with a spoon or fork. This is adorable, reduces mess, and if the jars are cute or if you monogram with the bride's and groom's names they can double as the wedding souvenirs. Click here!
And the second is a personal favorite of mine. It's a great idea for wedding pictures, or pictures to put on the invitations/save the dates. It's also a ton of fun, my school does this every year. It's Holi! An Indian festival of colors. It's finger painting for adults. Check it out here!
That's it for this week folks, I hope you enjoyed and let me know if you guys have any ideas for the blog! <3

Wouldn't That Look Better With Shoes?

Guess who gets to play with customers now! Yeah! Me! By which I mean that I've shadowed other non-bridal consultants on the floor twice and not seen a penny from it. But that is A-OK because I'm getting in some really good practice.
(Have I explained yet that I'm a non-bridal consultant? Yeah, I don't get to talk to brides yet. I work with prom girls, bride's maids, mothers, special occasion dresses, etc. I promise it's still fun and I still talk about weddings ALL day long (I'm not leading you, my readers, astray))<---[An overabundance of parentheses]

So, here is the selling strategy promoted by my place of employment:
1. Customer walks into store; greet customer in welcoming fashion
2. Ask customer what she/he is looking for and inquire as to whether they desire assistance
3. Ask all female customers if they need a dressing room then creepily stand outside said dressing rooms and offer unsolicited opinions, advice, and more products
4. Ask if they would like to try shoes on with that gown because honestly, how do you know if you love it if you're not wearing the proper shoes?????
P.S. Always smile. Smiles make the sun shine don't you know?

It devolves from there into a frenzy of accessories. We have shoes, earrings, necklaces, tiaras, headbands, bracelets, veils, feathers, rhinestones, SPARKLE BABY! Sometimes I feel like I'm in a classier version of a Ke$ha song and I lovvvveeeee it <3
I have no problem trying to sell any of the above mentioned items, and so far I have met with success. My downfall? Foundations, otherwise known as assets, Spanx or intimates, AKA underwear meant to smooth and shape the female body. For some reason I feel that it is deeply offensive to say to any woman of any height or weight "Have you seen our line of spandex underwear? It creates smoother lines so that your gown will fall cleanly and elegantly." I feel like I might as well be telling them that they look like a baby beluga whale hell bent on devouring everything in sight. However, my co-workers have no such problem. They just casually drop the line "Do you want to try some Spanx with that?" And the customers demurely agree and grab a pair. Just like that. Nonchalant. Metaphorically, I sit at their feet.
What I do understand is that selling a dress is mediocre and doesn't do the customer justice. Selling an ensemble is what women are really looking for. They want a "look", a vision not just an article of clothing. Accessories are what take an outfit from average to stunning.
I also firmly believe that accessories are the real place to express personality rather than the gown. A gown should fit well, flatter, and provide a base for a theme but a feathered headband, a chunky necklace, a rhinestone belt or even more understated items are the things that create a statement and allow you to project the image you want.
I would like to give you picture examples but I have yet to figure out how to do that because technology hates me.
I sound like What Not To Wear. My ten year old self would be disgusted and promptly tell me to throw mud at a boy to snap myself out of it.
I think the biggest problem with working at a bridal salon is that I constantly find myself fantasizing about wearing the dresses that I get to stare at all day. They're so pretttyyyyyyyy! I must keep reminding myself that I am feminist gosh darn it and I will wait until the proper time to get married instead of grabbing some guy and running off to Vegas if my ever so wonderful boyfriend isn't down for a super premature wedding. I will live vicariously through our brides. I solemnly swear.
Two things.
A very cute DIY project that would make adorable bridesmaids gifts or even just be an awesome present to yourself: homemade satin hair bows. I did it today and it takes like ten minutes to make each one. Hit up Joanne's Fabrics and buy a few spools of their satin ribbon when it's on sale, whichever color tickles your fancy. Cut the ribbon into 12" pieces (we want big fluffy bows here). Tie a loose knot in the middle of the ribbon and then tie the two ends into a bow with relatively short tails as seen in the picture at the top of the page. In a similarly colored thread put a few stitches in the back to keep the bow from coming undone and then hot glue it a barrette or something similar. Sorry if that was vague, I'm happy to answer any questions you guys might have.
Second thing. Our internet treat. Click here to see some really beautiful wedding cakes. It's basically just eye candy since obviously we can't eat the pretty pictures but it might give you some ideas as to what you want your cake to look like. Nowadays anything is possible in cake so it's a good idea to focus and get your thoughts in order.
Till next time! (Comments are the happiest thing ever and I would love to hear any ideas or suggestion you guys have or want to see on the blog!)