Mundanities and Stalking

You know that funny feeling of dread when some seller of goods asks you for your phone number and email, and you reluctantly give it? Well, it is an entirely reasonable feeling. BRIDES BEWARE! Your friendly purveyor of bridal gowns, accessories and other wedding essentials will quite avidly stalk you. This week has been a small kind of torture, one that I have been avoiding for some time. My managers finally noticed that I have not been very good about making my "thank you" calls. It is required, REQUIRED, that every customer who coughs up a phone number be called (preferably within two days) to be thanked for coming in, told how much fun they were to work with, and then solicitously and caring-ly inquire if they will be needing anything else from us. Have you any idea how many people come through the store in a week? God himself could not remember every client I help in a week, let alone a month, and thank them in such a way that lets them know that I know exactly who they are. Usually, I get an answering machine and once the number I had was out of service (a small blessing). But when I get a real live person to talk to, it goes something like this:

Me: Hello, this is Jenna calling from (store name). How are you (random person who does not want to talk to me)
RandomPerson: Good....(grouchy voice, slightly wary)
Me: I'm so glad to hear that! I was just calling to thank you for coming and ask how your plans are coming for the big event? I see your bridesmaid dress is in and I wanted you to know if you need any more accessories or fireworks or monster trucks to please, pretty please so I don't get fired, come by.
RP: I'm good thanks, bye.

Truly inspiring stuff, don't you think? I often wonder how Randy from Say Yes To The Dress would handle all this. My best advice to future buyers of wedding goods, when you get the call, figure out if you actually need anything else and then ask to be taken off the call list. Or you will be called again, and again, about once a month, until after your wedding occurs. It is within our legal rights to do so, restraining orders will be ignored.
Other joys from the not-so-glamorous side of wedding retail:
1. Inventory, all items have their very own special hiding place. Hide and seek without the fun but you have to be just as stealthy so that it looks like you actually know what you're doing. "This, you mean this colorful bow thing...yeah, I know where it goes. In the front...by the dresses?"
2. Bagging and sorting bras and corsets. And no, this is not sexy lingerie (don't get your hopes up) or even remotely attractive for that matter. They all appear to be bland, and somehow intimidating, torture devices.
3. Steaming steaming steaming steaming steaming IT NEVER ENDS. I'm waiting for permanent scar damage to develop on my hands considering that I can't finish a single dress without burning several fingers at once.
And everyone wants their dress steamed, right after they buy it, right in front of them, so they can be sure I get out every last wrinkle and imperfection. Truthfully, it's a tad degrading, rather like voluntary slavery. The steamers have short, stiff hoses and require a certain degree of energy and contortion to wield properly. It is complete abandonment of dignity.
But, I digress. Enough whining. I have for you a most amusing link that gives the directions for a bridal shower game called Staches and Tiaras (like mustaches, it took me a minute to get that). Basically the host has a list of answers from the bride and groom from a set of predetermined questions, and the guests must guess who answered what for each question by raising a tiara or a mustache. Very fun and allows for endless creativity. Perhaps the guests could decorate their own tiaras and mustaches, and then there can be a prize for the best one? Lots of possibilities. And slight danger. Knowing my friends, I would not be surprised to see a Hitler or Stalin Stache. A request for propriety can certainly be made. No need to scare off the in-laws.
My final thought that I was musing over today is that I love the idea of blue shoes being your "something blue". The garter is classic, but slightly cliche (in my oh so humble opinion). Think how dazzling blue sparkles peeking out from under your dress while you walk down the aisle would be! I like the one I have at the top of the post :)

Pardon my French

I think the ladies back in alterations only like me when I bring back customers who speak Spanish. I can only imagine what they think when I invade their curtained off lair dragging enormous dresses behind me and asking the ridiculous questions my clients must have the answers to. "Who is this girl, does she have a speech impediment? Why is she always here??" I can practically smell their annoyance. Now that I'm out in real world (as opposed to college where everyone but me seems to be trilingual) I realize that perhaps my four years of high school French and brief flirtation with Italian during my freshman year in college, may have been a mistake. Not once have I had a client who spoke any language that was not English, Spanish, or Portuguese. Today I had a group of women come in that my manager asked me to assist. When I approached them and did my whole polite and friendly consultant bit and asked what they were looking for, the woman who was clearly the mother of the bride looked at me and said "no". One word, flat out rejection. And then she turned around and started speaking Spanish at lighting speed to whom I could only assume to be the bride.
I walked away and my manager pulled me aside and reminded me that I needed to go and greet them (she missed the initial debacle). When I told her what happened she said I needed to tell them we would check on them periodically to make sure our help was not needed. Ten minutes later the mother of the bride approached me and said in perfect, unaccented English "Is there someone here who speaks Spanish? My daughter wants to try on dresses."
I was vaguely flabbergasted but inquired if she had registered with us (a necessity if one wishes to try on bridal gowns) to which she responded with a blank look and said "No. She wants to try on dresses."
Which sent me running to alterations, the only sure place to find someone with the particular talent of being bilingual. Many minutes later, perhaps twenty, the woman who spoke perfect English to me was mysteriously now working with one of my associates who does not speak a lick of Spanish. Perhaps alterations worked their magic for me once again, or perhaps I'm losing my mind and I merely invented the conversation that we had. It later came out that the wedding for this girl is in three weeks, and she does not yet have a gown. Go figure.
The problem with brides and their bridal parties is that they do not keep an eye on the time! The bridal industry is riddled with red tape and time limits, alterations appointments and more incidentals than a hospital. My advice to all of you? Do everything so far in advance that you feel like your mother before a holiday making the pasta salad a week in advance of dinner. The sooner you have all your dresses in, the less stress you'll have about deadlines and the more time you'll have to sort out any problems that may arise. For example, the wrong size was ordered by mistake. The dress has a problem like a rip or a stain. The color is wrong. The sash has to be changed to match the flower girl's dress. The alterations department is backed up and needs more time. Anything can go wrong. Better safe than sorry, right?

Another thing that needs to be done way in advance, save the dates and wedding invitations! I have a fantastic contact who creates handmade invitations according to your exact preferences, color scheme and ideas. The pictures at the top are examples of their work and on their website Steflynn.com there are more pictures and a full description of their business and how to get in contact with them. Definitely check out the site, these are very talented women with versatile talents!